i feel like i've been able to work through most of my aspie issues and i'm a fairly functional member of society overall. i can get and stay employed, and i can make friends. HOWEVER i can't tolerate strangers at all. i find small talk exhausting, and i find that in most conversations i hit a ceiling. if i go any deeper most people just don't seem interested to continue or are not sure what to say, and the conversation dies out. some things that work with others just don't seem to ever work with strangers. i can't befriend them. if this is as deep as it gets, i'm not sure i want to?
i feel unfulfilled! are most people just uninteresting? where are all the vibrant people hiding? am i just bad at showing my good sides to others? am i really just unskilled at social life? do you have any similar anecdotes or issues?
what does going deeper mean? if you're not interested in the kinds of popular culture the average person is interested in then you won't have much to talk to the average person about. it's completely fine to be a bit misanthropic about this and find a lot of people boring.
>>3mquqc7lq5623
>what does going deeper mean?
talk at length about a subject you (ideally both parties) feel passionate about and not feeling like you have committed some kind of social crime.
>>3mquqc7lq5623
>it's completely fine to be a bit misanthropic about this
i don't want to believe this is the right answer
>>3mquqikycmy22
>i don't want to believe this is the right answer
i used to be exactly the same. if you let yourself feel like this is the right answer in a neutral way then the problem (if there even is one, you don't need socialising with strangers to be viable to live a fulfilling or even ideal life) will likely fix itself.
>>3mqupggfata22
This is what my grandma told me once: not everyone make their day, some people need their day made for them. As I experience it, A) not everyone wears their heart on their shoulder B) not everyone is driven by nerdy passionate things...
I also find surface chitchat unbearable...
>>3mqur2pnkr22x
but also, just having shared interests isn't enough for me, that can be alright, but I find i gravitate or, connect easier with certain people Im not sure - but they just bring something and if you both can bring something you can enjoy eachothers company - and it doesnt have to be a result of shared interests. like, stylists who attract stylists tend to have a good time.
>>3mquqytrte32z
>>3mqur2pnkr22x
when i referred to strangers i think i narrowed the scope a bit too much. i have this issue even with people i consider my friend. it is to a lessened degree of course, we get along. but i'm still an alien. i contort myself and nothing feels quite natural.
as a result, i look at envy with how many people are satisfied with what they have. and sometimes normie strangers, well something about their way of life seems enviable. i figured i should try. surely there has to be some way for me!
>>3mqupggfata22
>i can't tolerate strangers at all. i find small talk exhausting, and i find that in most conversations i hit a ceiling.
could you give us specific examples of these scenarios? like, people you've met, what circumstances you met them, and how the interactions went?
for me, i work at an VR amusement place, my job is like an escape room host where I brief people and monitor their games but beyond that I don't have to get very in-depth and in that circumstance, yeah, people generally don't go into their passions or interests even when asked and can sometimes seem disinterested in talking, but I think the situation that they're being engaged in and the dynamic between us plays a big factor. Contrast that with my younger years, where I went to a few house parties where people would just spill their guts about all sorts of stuff.
>>3mqushcwzyu22
expanding from what others have said, i don't think you're "missing out" on much of anything. most of the time, those strangers are in the same boat too. either living in the small sphere of people and things they connect with, or surrounding themselves with lots and lots of acquaintances, or somewhere between. i get how that yearning for connection can be, wanting that ephemeral secret to belonging that it seems like everyone else has, but i don't know. there isn't really one. we're all just kinda carving out our own ways to belong, even normies do it.
i still feel that FOMO pain sometimes too but idk. i have my wife. i have a handful of close friends. it's not much but it's more than enough for me.
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